How dating apps made sex easy to get but love hard to find

"Once upon a time in a far away kingdom lived a beautiful princess. One day when she was out on a stroll in the woods, she met a handsome prince. The prince fell in love with the princess and they lived happily ever after." While this picture perfect story might be limited to the fairy tales, but not so long ago things in real life used to be as simple (if not more).

People used to meet at weddings and parties, chat a little to get to know each other over coffee meetings and date each other to ultimately walk down the aisle. Life was simple before technology stepped up its ante and ruined everything by its ease of availability.

Yes, we have the world full of options available today. Yes, we don't need a pundit or a talking parrot to tell us when will we meet our soulmate. Yes, life has become a wonderful adventure thanks to the plethora of information available on the Internet.

But in the matters of heart what's really important-- options or the choice?

Call me old school, call me a buzzkill, but I still believe that when it comes to love and romance, old school is the best way to go. Stealing smiles in the hallways of your college (or your workplace), sharing a meal, late night conversations about dreams and aspirations, random 'I love You' messages, all of these might sound a bit too cheesy to some, but isn't that what we all are looking for? Someone to love? Someone to share our lives with?

Dating apps like Tinder, Happn, and Frivil have given us the luxury and liberty to meet people based on our likes and dislikes. While this might be comforting at a level, there is a downside to it as well.

People have stopped investing their time and energies in their relationships because they know that their next relation is just a click away.

They change relationships like they change clothes. There's always a thought, that if their present relationship doesn't work out, there's always a next. As a result, people have stopped sharing their life moments with their friends and partners, people have stopped opening up to others, people have stopped being themselves and loneliness has crept it.

These dating apps, on one hand, have empowered us, but on the other hand, they have created the world full of fake smiles, un-send text messages, and insecurities, leaving behind a sea of sadness that no one knows how to deal with.

We all wear masks that protect us from the pain inflicted by the ones we love. But dating apps today have turned this temporary state into a state of permanent hibernation, wherein it takes a tsunami of emotionally charged events to jolt us out of our limbo. It's true that as humans it's our natural response to run away from any event that might hurt us both physically and emotionally.

But if we take a deeper look at it, isn't this emotional hibernation doing more damage than good?

Everyone has a different mechanism to deal with the pain and it's ok to shut down at times. But it's not ok to give up and it's definitely not ok to live alone.

Take a risk and keep trying. Tinder or no, it's your life and you have to make it Happn!

The Race of Life

Today I watched the rail tracks race and it felt oddly relaxing. Like I was in a race where no one was telling me to compete in, where I didn't have to catch up with everyone, where I wasn't scared to lose. I was on a journey I never wanted to end. Green hills with a couple of hatched-roof houses and a small village temple-- it seemed surreal and yet strangely familiar, like a village from the Malgudi Days.

The wind was gushing right through me and it felt that it didn't know who I was like I wasn't important and for once that felt so nice and light. It felt not to be the one in charge, not to be a part of the charade, not to be a part of a life that is running at lightening speed, such that you have no time even for yourself. It felt nice not to be a part of anything and just be...

For once being nothing and no one felt peaceful and serene...

We all are running a rat race, trying to be someone, trying to make a life for ourselves, trying to be successful, working hard to have a decent bank balance, a house, a car, a reputation in the society. But do we ever try not to be a part of this charade and just try to focus on being in a state of peace, in the state of Buddha? Even if we have all of these things, we want more and we work harder and longer to get that 'more'. While that feels the right thing to do after all Darwin's theory comes into play, but the question is where/when does this cycle end? When do we decide that we have enough and that it's time to enjoy the things that we have gathered?

More importantly, does it ever end?

The scenery is green outside and it's getting cloudy like it's about to rain. But is it just the sky or are our hearts too cloudy, like we are waiting for the dry spell to end but we are too scared to let it rain???

Why Indians have no right to react to Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel's 'poor India' statement

Snapchat is news again and this time for all the wrong reasons. Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel’s alleged statement expressing his disinterest in expanding the reach of the app in the ‘poor countries like India and Spain’ has caused a furore in India’s digital space that is hard to miss. From hashtags like #UninstallSnapchat and #boycottSnapchat to a vast majority of people uninstalling the popular photo-sharing app, the situation seems to be getting worse for the company. Even though Snapchat has pinned the blame on its ‘disgruntled employee’ Anthony Pompliano calling the statement quoting Spiegel ‘ridiculous’, things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction for Snapchat. Indians are angry and the evidence can be seen everywhere including Twitter, Facebook and even in the reviews section on the Google Play Store.

However, Indians have no right to react this way and reasons for it are many.

To begin with, ours is a country where the citizens are fighting to get the ‘Other Backward Class’ (OBC) status. From Jat agitation in Haryana to the Patidar protest in Gujarat and Jat stir in Rajasthan, past couple of years have witnessed record number of communities fighting to get the minority status. Burning vehicles, blocking water supplies and attacking the innocent countrymen is how these so called minorities have forced the state governments into caving into their demands. Are Patidars or the Jats really a minority in their respective states? No. Do they really deserve special treatment (with an exception of the financially weak families)? No.

Next, while the citizens are quoting the example of a few rich and affluent families like the Ambanis and the Birlas to ‘prove’ that India is not a poor country, it is worth mentioning that 30 percent of India’s total population is still below the poverty line. According to a 2016 World Bank report, India has the largest number of people living under the international standard of $1.90 (Rs 122 approx) a day, which is the highest in the world. How many times have you conveniently ignored the people who sleep on the sidewalks? How many times in a day do you encounter children and elderly people begging for food? How many times have you encountered a disheveled person in tattered rags on road who seems to have no clue of what’s going around? Still think India is rich?

Last but not the least, Indians are known for their temperament. If only it had a base in this case. For those of you who are familiar with the app know that Snapchat doesn’t support a ‘Lite’ mode (on the one that works swiftly even with slow network connections). The app consumes a decent amount of data and requires a steady network connection to work. A country, which is still struggling with its data connectivity issues and is transcending from 3G to 4G, a stable network connection is difficult to find if not rare. If the company feels that India is not a target market for it yet, it has a sound basis for it i.e. the fluctuating network connection, which is a must for any Internet-based app to work.

In case you forgot, Spiegel also mentioned Spain as a ‘poor nation’, but do you see Spaniards losing their cool? No.

It’s high time that Indians get their act together and give out a unified impression instead of maintain dual standards on basically everything!

To the guy who can't understand the girl who refuses to be happy

Everyone wants to be happy and shine with a bright smile. But sometimes it so happens that you just cannot. It's not that you don't want to be happy or you don't want to fight for it, it's just that you are so tired and worn down by the storms that you have endured for so long, that you just don't have any strength left to fight. But it doesn't mean that you don't want to be happy.

Life can be harsh at times. And for those who refuse to give in, those who refuse to give up on people and those who continue to give without any expectations, things can be a little draining at times.

No one wants to give up. But when living becomes more difficult than dying, when memories start inflicting physical pain, when situations refuse to change, when you lose all hope, when you have no strength to fight back, what do you do? You give up.

They say that sharing your problems can help in easing up the pain and perhaps in some cases help in solving the problem. But does it always help?

Not every situation or problem can be treated in the same way. Like a lock, every problem has a specific solution and can be unlocked by a specific key. But what if you lose the key or better yet, what if the maker of the lock forgot to make a key and you get locked in a closed room with no windows to let in a single ray of hope? Is there a way out? May be. Can you stay optimistic for ever? No.

If you are dealing with a girl (or a guy) who seems to have given up on happiness without any reason, your frustation is understandable. But it's not fair to simply designate the person as 'arrogant' or 'stubborn' as you do not know the underlying stories. You don't know every single incident that was so powerful that she gave up on life, that broke her to the level when she couldn't stand up and face herself in the mirror. You don't know the countless scars that years of fighting have left on her soul. You don't know the endless tears that she has shed. You don't know the emptiness that is eating her alive like a blackhole. 

Unless you know her story, you cannot understand her. Unless you don't understand her, you can't judge her.

If you really want to help her, make her feel that she can trust you. Prove that you aren't like every other person who has walked into her life without any intention of staying. Prove that you take pride in her scars. Prove yourself to be worthy of her trust. When you prove that she can trust you, she'll open up to you and share her story, every single word of it. And trust me she's worth it, because a person who has been hurt over a million times and yet has the strength to love, knows how to love selflessly and completely. And that person can never hurt another soul, ever.

Why do we need fairytales?

Its a strange thing, how all we wish for is a 'happily ever after', a 'perfect life', and how little are we willing to fight for it. What's equally strange is how easily we kneel before the negativity and the sad and sorrowful events that unfold in our lives and in our surroundings. It's true that every thing has an impact and our wishful thinking is not enough to save us from it, but the question is can we dodge the damage?

It's a paradox. We want to be happy yet we think about all the things that make us sad. We want to live freely yet we let every limiting thought cage us in. We want a love that would last a lifetime but we are scared of it. We want to stay yet we keep on running. We want to be in peace and yet we do all the things that add chaos to our lives. It's true that we cannot escape the madness around us, but the question is do we really need to be a part of it? Do we really need to give up? And more importantly is there anything we can do that would save our souls?

Fear. Fear is a funny word. It makes us do crazy things. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failure. Fear of getting our hearts broken. Fear of our hopes getting shattered. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of the unknown. And in case our lives have been full of melancholy streaks, fear of being happy. Despite wanting to live freely, we spend all our lives living in fear hoping for a miracle to change everything and in some cases for everything to just fade away. But is that a good way of living? Are we being fair to oursevles?

We all deserve better. We all deserve to be respected, to be cared for, to be loved, to be happy. But in the hullabaloo of life, we often lose a track of things, of ourselves, and more importantly of our hopes and dreams. Fairytales are a constant reminder of what we forget. They remind us of hope and of happy endings. They remind us that we must fight for our happiness, for our 'one true love', for our throne. They remind us that if we don't give up, there's nothing that we can't achieve. Sure there are dragons to be slayed and evil witches to be defeated, but if we keep on trying, our 'happily ever after' is just a step away.

So, next time someone gives you some feminist crap about the fairytales, remind them that it's the message that's more important!

A note to my 20-year-old self

Dear myself,

I know life is difficult and people are unfair. I know it seems that your entire world is crumbling down upon you. I know people are mean and even though you put in your level best efforts, sometimes it really difficult to keep your head above the water. But don't worry. This is just a temporary phase and it will pass.

Relax and take a deep breath.

Remember, you are stronger than this. Remember, you are better than them. Remember, whatever you're facing right now is a test that will make you invincible. Remember, you have been given this test coz the universe believes in you. Remember, that only when you pass this test will you be able to unlock the infinite treasure of knowledge and wisdom.

I know there are people you want to punch in the face. I know there are people you want to show a mirror to so that they realise how awful they've been. I know there are people you just can't tolerate and I know that you get upset even when you think of them.

Don't treat them the way they treated you. Don't let the harshness get to you. Don't let the world make you lose yourself and don't let them make you lose sight of the aim that you sought out to achieve.

Be like the lotus in a pond of mud that blooms even in the worst conditions. Do it for yourself not them. Be like the tree that gives shade to everyone who comes under its shelter. Do it for yourself not them. Be like the water that is powerful enough to drown you but always ends up cleansing your soul. Do it for yourself not them.

I know you might feel like giving up right now. That friend, that first love, that pressure to prove yourself might be over burdening you. But don't give up, not yet. Just hold on and fight. Fight till your last breathe. Fight till you don't cross the finish line. Fight till you don't win.

Remember you have the universe backing you and there's nothing or no one that can ever bring you down!

Memories

Memories are a weird thing. Sometimes you don't feel a thing and sometimes a sound, a smell, a place or a feeling can trigger a series of memories that you had forgotten or were trying to hide so deep that you wouldn't be able to recall them even if you want to.

Memories are strange. Sometimes an event that brought happiness to your face can make you profoundly sad. The other times, even a silly fight with a loved one can make you ecstatic.

Memories are powerful. They are like a giant wave in the ocean of heart that can wash away anything that stands in its way.

They're both a wound and a healing aid. In testing times, a memory can lift your spirits and motivate you to fight. Ironically, the same memory also has the power to drown you in a sea of desolation.

Memories are not only a reminder of the good times but also of the pathways that led you there.

Memories are both magical and tragic!