DAMAGED

In the era when friendships foster at bars and love is just a swipe away people can inflict copious amount of damage to one another. Sometimes in the name of love, sometimes for self-respect, sometimes out of a habit and sometimes unknowingly, people hurt others causing insurmountable damage in the process.

 Sometimes the damage that we inflict on others is just a natural response to our innate fear of getting hurt again. We lock ourselves, our true self, in a deep dark corner of our existence when we are under attack the first time. We fight the battle with our iron swords and titanium shields, keeping our hearts locked somewhere safe. Somewhere so secretive that no one, not even we ourselves, can get a hold of it even if we want to.

But once in a blue moon when the sky is all clear, and spring is on its way to paint the meadow in bright new colours, a tiny seed germinates and it takes root within the stoned garden where we have kept our true selves hidden. We are marvelled by the beauty of this seed, which is now a sapling. We are gravitated by it and we nurture it as it turns into a beautiful rose bud. But as soon as it does, our past takes over and we fear that this new rose bud will hurt us the way the last one did. Haunted by our past experience, we try to take it off its roots so that it won’t hurt us. So that nothing hurts us. And in this process, we become the damage that was inflicted on us.

We forget all the values that we stood for before we were stabbed the first time. We forget that in the process of protecting ourselves, we are inflicting the same damage that was once inflicted upon us. We forget that we don’t need to be a part of the damage inflicting cycle. We forget that we have the power to stop this cycle of misery and bring some goodness and love into the world. We forget that we are stronger and better than we think we are. We forget that we are capable of doing great things, which includes spreading love and peace, around us. We forget that we are smarter and more powerful than the wounds that still pester inside our souls and keep us awake at night. We forget that after every night comes a bright new day. We forget to have faith in ourselves and in the universe.

We have to remember that the damage that was done to us wasn’t our fault. There is nothing that we could have done to change it, the situation, the people who wronged us, and to a certain extent our own response to the situation. But the damage we inflict on others is on us. We can try to justify it saying that it was our past wounds or fears that caused the damage to others this time, but if we do that we are no better than the people who hurt us in the first place. We cannot control others’ response but we can control what we do to others and what we let happen. 

There is light at the end of tunnel. There is still hope for everyone. You just have to have faith and try to be better than the damage that was done to you.

How dating apps made sex easy to get but love hard to find

"Once upon a time in a far away kingdom lived a beautiful princess. One day when she was out on a stroll in the woods, she met a handsome prince. The prince fell in love with the princess and they lived happily ever after." While this picture perfect story might be limited to the fairy tales, but not so long ago things in real life used to be as simple (if not more).

People used to meet at weddings and parties, chat a little to get to know each other over coffee meetings and date each other to ultimately walk down the aisle. Life was simple before technology stepped up its ante and ruined everything by its ease of availability.

Yes, we have the world full of options available today. Yes, we don't need a pundit or a talking parrot to tell us when will we meet our soulmate. Yes, life has become a wonderful adventure thanks to the plethora of information available on the Internet.

But in the matters of heart what's really important-- options or the choice?

Call me old school, call me a buzzkill, but I still believe that when it comes to love and romance, old school is the best way to go. Stealing smiles in the hallways of your college (or your workplace), sharing a meal, late night conversations about dreams and aspirations, random 'I love You' messages, all of these might sound a bit too cheesy to some, but isn't that what we all are looking for? Someone to love? Someone to share our lives with?

Dating apps like Tinder, Happn, and Frivil have given us the luxury and liberty to meet people based on our likes and dislikes. While this might be comforting at a level, there is a downside to it as well.

People have stopped investing their time and energies in their relationships because they know that their next relation is just a click away.

They change relationships like they change clothes. There's always a thought, that if their present relationship doesn't work out, there's always a next. As a result, people have stopped sharing their life moments with their friends and partners, people have stopped opening up to others, people have stopped being themselves and loneliness has crept it.

These dating apps, on one hand, have empowered us, but on the other hand, they have created the world full of fake smiles, un-send text messages, and insecurities, leaving behind a sea of sadness that no one knows how to deal with.

We all wear masks that protect us from the pain inflicted by the ones we love. But dating apps today have turned this temporary state into a state of permanent hibernation, wherein it takes a tsunami of emotionally charged events to jolt us out of our limbo. It's true that as humans it's our natural response to run away from any event that might hurt us both physically and emotionally.

But if we take a deeper look at it, isn't this emotional hibernation doing more damage than good?

Everyone has a different mechanism to deal with the pain and it's ok to shut down at times. But it's not ok to give up and it's definitely not ok to live alone.

Take a risk and keep trying. Tinder or no, it's your life and you have to make it Happn!

To the guy who can't understand the girl who refuses to be happy

Everyone wants to be happy and shine with a bright smile. But sometimes it so happens that you just cannot. It's not that you don't want to be happy or you don't want to fight for it, it's just that you are so tired and worn down by the storms that you have endured for so long, that you just don't have any strength left to fight. But it doesn't mean that you don't want to be happy.

Life can be harsh at times. And for those who refuse to give in, those who refuse to give up on people and those who continue to give without any expectations, things can be a little draining at times.

No one wants to give up. But when living becomes more difficult than dying, when memories start inflicting physical pain, when situations refuse to change, when you lose all hope, when you have no strength to fight back, what do you do? You give up.

They say that sharing your problems can help in easing up the pain and perhaps in some cases help in solving the problem. But does it always help?

Not every situation or problem can be treated in the same way. Like a lock, every problem has a specific solution and can be unlocked by a specific key. But what if you lose the key or better yet, what if the maker of the lock forgot to make a key and you get locked in a closed room with no windows to let in a single ray of hope? Is there a way out? May be. Can you stay optimistic for ever? No.

If you are dealing with a girl (or a guy) who seems to have given up on happiness without any reason, your frustation is understandable. But it's not fair to simply designate the person as 'arrogant' or 'stubborn' as you do not know the underlying stories. You don't know every single incident that was so powerful that she gave up on life, that broke her to the level when she couldn't stand up and face herself in the mirror. You don't know the countless scars that years of fighting have left on her soul. You don't know the endless tears that she has shed. You don't know the emptiness that is eating her alive like a blackhole. 

Unless you know her story, you cannot understand her. Unless you don't understand her, you can't judge her.

If you really want to help her, make her feel that she can trust you. Prove that you aren't like every other person who has walked into her life without any intention of staying. Prove that you take pride in her scars. Prove yourself to be worthy of her trust. When you prove that she can trust you, she'll open up to you and share her story, every single word of it. And trust me she's worth it, because a person who has been hurt over a million times and yet has the strength to love, knows how to love selflessly and completely. And that person can never hurt another soul, ever.

Why do we need fairytales?

Its a strange thing, how all we wish for is a 'happily ever after', a 'perfect life', and how little are we willing to fight for it. What's equally strange is how easily we kneel before the negativity and the sad and sorrowful events that unfold in our lives and in our surroundings. It's true that every thing has an impact and our wishful thinking is not enough to save us from it, but the question is can we dodge the damage?

It's a paradox. We want to be happy yet we think about all the things that make us sad. We want to live freely yet we let every limiting thought cage us in. We want a love that would last a lifetime but we are scared of it. We want to stay yet we keep on running. We want to be in peace and yet we do all the things that add chaos to our lives. It's true that we cannot escape the madness around us, but the question is do we really need to be a part of it? Do we really need to give up? And more importantly is there anything we can do that would save our souls?

Fear. Fear is a funny word. It makes us do crazy things. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failure. Fear of getting our hearts broken. Fear of our hopes getting shattered. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of the unknown. And in case our lives have been full of melancholy streaks, fear of being happy. Despite wanting to live freely, we spend all our lives living in fear hoping for a miracle to change everything and in some cases for everything to just fade away. But is that a good way of living? Are we being fair to oursevles?

We all deserve better. We all deserve to be respected, to be cared for, to be loved, to be happy. But in the hullabaloo of life, we often lose a track of things, of ourselves, and more importantly of our hopes and dreams. Fairytales are a constant reminder of what we forget. They remind us of hope and of happy endings. They remind us that we must fight for our happiness, for our 'one true love', for our throne. They remind us that if we don't give up, there's nothing that we can't achieve. Sure there are dragons to be slayed and evil witches to be defeated, but if we keep on trying, our 'happily ever after' is just a step away.

So, next time someone gives you some feminist crap about the fairytales, remind them that it's the message that's more important!

Is one day really enough?

Valentine’s Day is just hours away and I can’t help but wonder why do we have just one day to celebrate our love towards our partners?

In the words of Rabindranath Tagore, “love is the only reality and is not a mere sentiment. It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.”

If love really is that powerful and vital then shouldn’t it be celebrated every day? Shouldn’t we often take the time and e have efforts to remind our closest people how much they mean to us? Shouldn’t we express our gratitude towards them more frequently than we usually do?

Or does one day cover up for the remaining 364 days of the year?

We have Mother’s Day to celebrate the bond between mothers and their children; we have Father’s Day to thank our dads for their protection and support; we even have Brother’s Day and Sister’s Day to celebrate the bonds that we share with our siblings, but is having just one day really enough?

Is it ok to celebrate one day and ignore our loved ones other times?

Love is an eternal feeling and it makes us a better person. While being loved by someone gives us strength, loving someone gives us courage. No matter what the bond the is, the feeling remains the same and requires nourishment.

However, if we hurt someone close to us, even a fancy restaurant, red roses and a dozen expensive gifts can never make up for it.

So, if you truly love someone don’t wait for a year to admit that you do. Every day counts, every moment is precious.

Spend time together; surprise them often; flirt with them like you’re still 16; show how grateful you are and never value your ego more than the person you care about. Coz when you love someone, every day is the day of love...