The Race of Life

Today I watched the rail tracks race and it felt oddly relaxing. Like I was in a race where no one was telling me to compete in, where I didn't have to catch up with everyone, where I wasn't scared to lose. I was on a journey I never wanted to end. Green hills with a couple of hatched-roof houses and a small village temple-- it seemed surreal and yet strangely familiar, like a village from the Malgudi Days.

The wind was gushing right through me and it felt that it didn't know who I was like I wasn't important and for once that felt so nice and light. It felt not to be the one in charge, not to be a part of the charade, not to be a part of a life that is running at lightening speed, such that you have no time even for yourself. It felt nice not to be a part of anything and just be...

For once being nothing and no one felt peaceful and serene...

We all are running a rat race, trying to be someone, trying to make a life for ourselves, trying to be successful, working hard to have a decent bank balance, a house, a car, a reputation in the society. But do we ever try not to be a part of this charade and just try to focus on being in a state of peace, in the state of Buddha? Even if we have all of these things, we want more and we work harder and longer to get that 'more'. While that feels the right thing to do after all Darwin's theory comes into play, but the question is where/when does this cycle end? When do we decide that we have enough and that it's time to enjoy the things that we have gathered?

More importantly, does it ever end?

The scenery is green outside and it's getting cloudy like it's about to rain. But is it just the sky or are our hearts too cloudy, like we are waiting for the dry spell to end but we are too scared to let it rain???

Why Indians have no right to react to Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel's 'poor India' statement

Snapchat is news again and this time for all the wrong reasons. Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel’s alleged statement expressing his disinterest in expanding the reach of the app in the ‘poor countries like India and Spain’ has caused a furore in India’s digital space that is hard to miss. From hashtags like #UninstallSnapchat and #boycottSnapchat to a vast majority of people uninstalling the popular photo-sharing app, the situation seems to be getting worse for the company. Even though Snapchat has pinned the blame on its ‘disgruntled employee’ Anthony Pompliano calling the statement quoting Spiegel ‘ridiculous’, things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction for Snapchat. Indians are angry and the evidence can be seen everywhere including Twitter, Facebook and even in the reviews section on the Google Play Store.

However, Indians have no right to react this way and reasons for it are many.

To begin with, ours is a country where the citizens are fighting to get the ‘Other Backward Class’ (OBC) status. From Jat agitation in Haryana to the Patidar protest in Gujarat and Jat stir in Rajasthan, past couple of years have witnessed record number of communities fighting to get the minority status. Burning vehicles, blocking water supplies and attacking the innocent countrymen is how these so called minorities have forced the state governments into caving into their demands. Are Patidars or the Jats really a minority in their respective states? No. Do they really deserve special treatment (with an exception of the financially weak families)? No.

Next, while the citizens are quoting the example of a few rich and affluent families like the Ambanis and the Birlas to ‘prove’ that India is not a poor country, it is worth mentioning that 30 percent of India’s total population is still below the poverty line. According to a 2016 World Bank report, India has the largest number of people living under the international standard of $1.90 (Rs 122 approx) a day, which is the highest in the world. How many times have you conveniently ignored the people who sleep on the sidewalks? How many times in a day do you encounter children and elderly people begging for food? How many times have you encountered a disheveled person in tattered rags on road who seems to have no clue of what’s going around? Still think India is rich?

Last but not the least, Indians are known for their temperament. If only it had a base in this case. For those of you who are familiar with the app know that Snapchat doesn’t support a ‘Lite’ mode (on the one that works swiftly even with slow network connections). The app consumes a decent amount of data and requires a steady network connection to work. A country, which is still struggling with its data connectivity issues and is transcending from 3G to 4G, a stable network connection is difficult to find if not rare. If the company feels that India is not a target market for it yet, it has a sound basis for it i.e. the fluctuating network connection, which is a must for any Internet-based app to work.

In case you forgot, Spiegel also mentioned Spain as a ‘poor nation’, but do you see Spaniards losing their cool? No.

It’s high time that Indians get their act together and give out a unified impression instead of maintain dual standards on basically everything!

To the guy who can't understand the girl who refuses to be happy

Everyone wants to be happy and shine with a bright smile. But sometimes it so happens that you just cannot. It's not that you don't want to be happy or you don't want to fight for it, it's just that you are so tired and worn down by the storms that you have endured for so long, that you just don't have any strength left to fight. But it doesn't mean that you don't want to be happy.

Life can be harsh at times. And for those who refuse to give in, those who refuse to give up on people and those who continue to give without any expectations, things can be a little draining at times.

No one wants to give up. But when living becomes more difficult than dying, when memories start inflicting physical pain, when situations refuse to change, when you lose all hope, when you have no strength to fight back, what do you do? You give up.

They say that sharing your problems can help in easing up the pain and perhaps in some cases help in solving the problem. But does it always help?

Not every situation or problem can be treated in the same way. Like a lock, every problem has a specific solution and can be unlocked by a specific key. But what if you lose the key or better yet, what if the maker of the lock forgot to make a key and you get locked in a closed room with no windows to let in a single ray of hope? Is there a way out? May be. Can you stay optimistic for ever? No.

If you are dealing with a girl (or a guy) who seems to have given up on happiness without any reason, your frustation is understandable. But it's not fair to simply designate the person as 'arrogant' or 'stubborn' as you do not know the underlying stories. You don't know every single incident that was so powerful that she gave up on life, that broke her to the level when she couldn't stand up and face herself in the mirror. You don't know the countless scars that years of fighting have left on her soul. You don't know the endless tears that she has shed. You don't know the emptiness that is eating her alive like a blackhole. 

Unless you know her story, you cannot understand her. Unless you don't understand her, you can't judge her.

If you really want to help her, make her feel that she can trust you. Prove that you aren't like every other person who has walked into her life without any intention of staying. Prove that you take pride in her scars. Prove yourself to be worthy of her trust. When you prove that she can trust you, she'll open up to you and share her story, every single word of it. And trust me she's worth it, because a person who has been hurt over a million times and yet has the strength to love, knows how to love selflessly and completely. And that person can never hurt another soul, ever.

Why do we need fairytales?

Its a strange thing, how all we wish for is a 'happily ever after', a 'perfect life', and how little are we willing to fight for it. What's equally strange is how easily we kneel before the negativity and the sad and sorrowful events that unfold in our lives and in our surroundings. It's true that every thing has an impact and our wishful thinking is not enough to save us from it, but the question is can we dodge the damage?

It's a paradox. We want to be happy yet we think about all the things that make us sad. We want to live freely yet we let every limiting thought cage us in. We want a love that would last a lifetime but we are scared of it. We want to stay yet we keep on running. We want to be in peace and yet we do all the things that add chaos to our lives. It's true that we cannot escape the madness around us, but the question is do we really need to be a part of it? Do we really need to give up? And more importantly is there anything we can do that would save our souls?

Fear. Fear is a funny word. It makes us do crazy things. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failure. Fear of getting our hearts broken. Fear of our hopes getting shattered. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of the unknown. And in case our lives have been full of melancholy streaks, fear of being happy. Despite wanting to live freely, we spend all our lives living in fear hoping for a miracle to change everything and in some cases for everything to just fade away. But is that a good way of living? Are we being fair to oursevles?

We all deserve better. We all deserve to be respected, to be cared for, to be loved, to be happy. But in the hullabaloo of life, we often lose a track of things, of ourselves, and more importantly of our hopes and dreams. Fairytales are a constant reminder of what we forget. They remind us of hope and of happy endings. They remind us that we must fight for our happiness, for our 'one true love', for our throne. They remind us that if we don't give up, there's nothing that we can't achieve. Sure there are dragons to be slayed and evil witches to be defeated, but if we keep on trying, our 'happily ever after' is just a step away.

So, next time someone gives you some feminist crap about the fairytales, remind them that it's the message that's more important!

A note to my 20-year-old self

Dear myself,

I know life is difficult and people are unfair. I know it seems that your entire world is crumbling down upon you. I know people are mean and even though you put in your level best efforts, sometimes it really difficult to keep your head above the water. But don't worry. This is just a temporary phase and it will pass.

Relax and take a deep breath.

Remember, you are stronger than this. Remember, you are better than them. Remember, whatever you're facing right now is a test that will make you invincible. Remember, you have been given this test coz the universe believes in you. Remember, that only when you pass this test will you be able to unlock the infinite treasure of knowledge and wisdom.

I know there are people you want to punch in the face. I know there are people you want to show a mirror to so that they realise how awful they've been. I know there are people you just can't tolerate and I know that you get upset even when you think of them.

Don't treat them the way they treated you. Don't let the harshness get to you. Don't let the world make you lose yourself and don't let them make you lose sight of the aim that you sought out to achieve.

Be like the lotus in a pond of mud that blooms even in the worst conditions. Do it for yourself not them. Be like the tree that gives shade to everyone who comes under its shelter. Do it for yourself not them. Be like the water that is powerful enough to drown you but always ends up cleansing your soul. Do it for yourself not them.

I know you might feel like giving up right now. That friend, that first love, that pressure to prove yourself might be over burdening you. But don't give up, not yet. Just hold on and fight. Fight till your last breathe. Fight till you don't cross the finish line. Fight till you don't win.

Remember you have the universe backing you and there's nothing or no one that can ever bring you down!

Memories

Memories are a weird thing. Sometimes you don't feel a thing and sometimes a sound, a smell, a place or a feeling can trigger a series of memories that you had forgotten or were trying to hide so deep that you wouldn't be able to recall them even if you want to.

Memories are strange. Sometimes an event that brought happiness to your face can make you profoundly sad. The other times, even a silly fight with a loved one can make you ecstatic.

Memories are powerful. They are like a giant wave in the ocean of heart that can wash away anything that stands in its way.

They're both a wound and a healing aid. In testing times, a memory can lift your spirits and motivate you to fight. Ironically, the same memory also has the power to drown you in a sea of desolation.

Memories are not only a reminder of the good times but also of the pathways that led you there.

Memories are both magical and tragic!

Cinderella didn't need a prince Charming!

Cinderella didn't need a prince charming, she just needed a day off!

Snowhite didn't need need a prince either. She was already kicking ass when she met him!

So why do we have these delirious notions where a 'damsel in distress' needs to be rescued by a prince? Why can't a girl slay all the dragons and rescue herself? Why can't she be 'the Saviour' (quoting: Once Upon A Time)?

Though these stories were written ages ago when the world was dominated by patriarchy, nothing much has changed since then.

Take Elena for instance. While Stephan treated her delicately as if would break like a glass, Damon's love was so consuming that she forgot herself (quoting: The Vampire Diaries)! And how can we forget Meredith, who sort of flipped her humanity switch (even though she's very much human) when McDreamy died (quoting: Grey's Anatomy). Granted that the circumstances these characters endured were extra-ordinary and anyone in their situation is allowed to act out, yet its not an excuse that only a lass should be in trouble.

Why can't these shows show their male leads being rescued by women?

Look how Christina Yang's career flourished when Burke left her and she left Owen. Khaleesi (quoting: Game of Thrones) became the 'mother of dragons' etc. when Khal Drogo died and she decided to take on the world herself with her loyal followers. Bonnie is the single most powerful witch that there ever would be. The way she single-handedly saved the 'vamipre world' several times making countless sacrifices in the process makes me wonder why aren't we focussing on her?!

Another area of conflict is the Marvel and DC Comics series. There is Batman, there is Iron Man and then there is Superman. What about their female-counterparts? Although there are some female characters- Catwoman and Wonder Woman to name a few, yet are they being projected at equal footing with their male counterparts? No.

Why aren't any of the super-human series showing women as their lead (please don't quote Powerpuff Girls)?!

In this era when women are showing the world a new light, the society is still polarised. A woman is still expected to micro-manage her life. She is expected to be a homemaker first and then care about her career. She is still expected to be an 'epitome of sacrifices and selflessness'. She is still expected to change her surname (and identity) after marriage. She is still expected to remain behind the curtains and obey orders by the so called alpha-male of the family.

My question is why can't she be the 'alpha-female'? Why can't she do anything without being surveyed by those judgy little eyes like men? Why is the society always expecting things from women? Is it the code for saying that 'men won't be able to handle the pressure' or is our society (lead by its male members) theatened by the female community and the things they can achieve if given complete authority?

It is interesting to note that even the so called advocates of women's rights haven't highlighted/protested over the fact that all the documents ask for either father's name or husband's name. No document asks for just mother's name. It's like secretly these documents are screaming that women are under male guardianship and they cannot exist without these 'assigned identities'.

Women in Saudi Arabia are under male guardianship. That guardian can be anyone- father, husband, brother or even the son who learnt all his life lessons from his mother. Many people have openly criticised it. But I think that it 's still better. At least they own up to it. We (the Indian and many others like us) don't. We just point fingers while forgetting that we're sailing in the same boat!

Talking about marriage, I don't get the concept of 'Kanya daan'. You donate an object or a thing. If you're donating a human i.e. your daughter, you're basically objectifying her. How's that right and how can anyone in his/her right mind label that as the 'highest form of donation'?! And how can our ancient texts call it 'sacred'?

Even our traditions are biased. A girl when married goes to her husband's house, says the tradition. She must change her surname, says the society. But why aren't similar norms applicable to men? Why can't men shift to their wives' homes? Why can't men change their surname instead? Why is that women have to adjust in their brand new families with a whole new set of do's and don'ts while men get a free pass?

I believe 'all or none' approach is the fair thing to do. Either both change their surnames or both don't. Why should one person do all the adjustment?

And now the classic argument that never loses its pun- we pray to goddess yet we treat our women like they're nothing at all. We fast and feast during Navratras, we visit Vaishno Devi, we tell tales of how the great eight-handed goddess saved the world from the demon king, yet we disrespect, objectify and mistreat women! It's like you're murdering people the whole year and when you take a dip in a river, it's going to magically even out all your sins. What you're forgetting is that even after taking the dip, dead will be dead. Now apply the same analogy in case of worshipping and respecting women. (Hope you get it now!)

The point is that the society needs to change as a whole. We can't preach something and practice something else. There has to be a balance and the society collectively needs to work towards a common goal. Its like taking out a really complex tumour. Sometimes you do it in one go. The other times things must proceed in stages.

The world can survive only if the creator and the creation are in sync not otherwise!