DAMAGED

In the era when friendships foster at bars and love is just a swipe away people can inflict copious amount of damage to one another. Sometimes in the name of love, sometimes for self-respect, sometimes out of a habit and sometimes unknowingly, people hurt others causing insurmountable damage in the process.

 Sometimes the damage that we inflict on others is just a natural response to our innate fear of getting hurt again. We lock ourselves, our true self, in a deep dark corner of our existence when we are under attack the first time. We fight the battle with our iron swords and titanium shields, keeping our hearts locked somewhere safe. Somewhere so secretive that no one, not even we ourselves, can get a hold of it even if we want to.

But once in a blue moon when the sky is all clear, and spring is on its way to paint the meadow in bright new colours, a tiny seed germinates and it takes root within the stoned garden where we have kept our true selves hidden. We are marvelled by the beauty of this seed, which is now a sapling. We are gravitated by it and we nurture it as it turns into a beautiful rose bud. But as soon as it does, our past takes over and we fear that this new rose bud will hurt us the way the last one did. Haunted by our past experience, we try to take it off its roots so that it won’t hurt us. So that nothing hurts us. And in this process, we become the damage that was inflicted on us.

We forget all the values that we stood for before we were stabbed the first time. We forget that in the process of protecting ourselves, we are inflicting the same damage that was once inflicted upon us. We forget that we don’t need to be a part of the damage inflicting cycle. We forget that we have the power to stop this cycle of misery and bring some goodness and love into the world. We forget that we are stronger and better than we think we are. We forget that we are capable of doing great things, which includes spreading love and peace, around us. We forget that we are smarter and more powerful than the wounds that still pester inside our souls and keep us awake at night. We forget that after every night comes a bright new day. We forget to have faith in ourselves and in the universe.

We have to remember that the damage that was done to us wasn’t our fault. There is nothing that we could have done to change it, the situation, the people who wronged us, and to a certain extent our own response to the situation. But the damage we inflict on others is on us. We can try to justify it saying that it was our past wounds or fears that caused the damage to others this time, but if we do that we are no better than the people who hurt us in the first place. We cannot control others’ response but we can control what we do to others and what we let happen. 

There is light at the end of tunnel. There is still hope for everyone. You just have to have faith and try to be better than the damage that was done to you.

Motivation

What keeps you motivated? What keeps you going each day? What makes you want to keep pushing your limits even in the times you want to give up?

Is it the reward that you'll get on reaching the finish line? Or is it the satisfaction of finishing first? Is the hope of the light at the end of a really long and dark tunnel? Or is it just your basic survival instinct-- the one that tells you NEVER BACK DOWN?

What keeps you going when going gets tough?

Life is a funny thing. It gives us happiness when we least expect it. It throws us under a truck to teach us lessons we aren't ready to learn at the time. And it gives us a puzzle to solve when we are swamped with other riddles. To say that 'life works in mysterious ways' won't be entirely wrong. Sometimes we understand the grand plan that life has laid out for us. But other times we are totally clueless. The magnanimity of its design, of its plan, of how it connects two mutually exclusive events cannot be fathomed by us. Even so, one question that pops up in my mind is-- why do we face certain circumstances?

Most of us at some point in time have asked ourselves or God an innocent-- 'why me?'. While it is perfectly normal to ask such a question, especially after a period of endless struggles, how many of us have actually bothered to look for an answer? How many of us have actually tried to understand the reason?

Well, let me answer the question for you-- it is because you are ready for the next level. You are ready to unlock the wisdom that will follow your test. You are ready for the next chapter of your life.

Life is a hard taskmaster and it pushes you towards the deeper end of the swimming pool so that you can learn to swim. So that you next time you find yourself in a similar situation, you don't drown. It upgrades your tests when it believes that you are worthy of the reward-- the lesson, the teaching, the knowledge that awaits you at the end of your quiz.

But you must remember one thing-- every test is unique and only you have the potential to answer it because it is your quiz. And unless you get it right, unless you crack the code, unless you learn your lesson, the situation will keep on repeating itself.

It's true that things get messy at times but don't let it stop you. Don't let a heartbreak or misconduct stop you. Treat people better than they treated you, not because they deserve better but because you're a better person who understands and accepts imperfections.

Be a better version of yourself each day and don't let the fear of falling or the fear of failing stop you from being anything less than you are. Keep trying and never give up. Inspire yourself. You never know how many others you might be helping in the process!

How dating apps made sex easy to get but love hard to find

"Once upon a time in a far away kingdom lived a beautiful princess. One day when she was out on a stroll in the woods, she met a handsome prince. The prince fell in love with the princess and they lived happily ever after." While this picture perfect story might be limited to the fairy tales, but not so long ago things in real life used to be as simple (if not more).

People used to meet at weddings and parties, chat a little to get to know each other over coffee meetings and date each other to ultimately walk down the aisle. Life was simple before technology stepped up its ante and ruined everything by its ease of availability.

Yes, we have the world full of options available today. Yes, we don't need a pundit or a talking parrot to tell us when will we meet our soulmate. Yes, life has become a wonderful adventure thanks to the plethora of information available on the Internet.

But in the matters of heart what's really important-- options or the choice?

Call me old school, call me a buzzkill, but I still believe that when it comes to love and romance, old school is the best way to go. Stealing smiles in the hallways of your college (or your workplace), sharing a meal, late night conversations about dreams and aspirations, random 'I love You' messages, all of these might sound a bit too cheesy to some, but isn't that what we all are looking for? Someone to love? Someone to share our lives with?

Dating apps like Tinder, Happn, and Frivil have given us the luxury and liberty to meet people based on our likes and dislikes. While this might be comforting at a level, there is a downside to it as well.

People have stopped investing their time and energies in their relationships because they know that their next relation is just a click away.

They change relationships like they change clothes. There's always a thought, that if their present relationship doesn't work out, there's always a next. As a result, people have stopped sharing their life moments with their friends and partners, people have stopped opening up to others, people have stopped being themselves and loneliness has crept it.

These dating apps, on one hand, have empowered us, but on the other hand, they have created the world full of fake smiles, un-send text messages, and insecurities, leaving behind a sea of sadness that no one knows how to deal with.

We all wear masks that protect us from the pain inflicted by the ones we love. But dating apps today have turned this temporary state into a state of permanent hibernation, wherein it takes a tsunami of emotionally charged events to jolt us out of our limbo. It's true that as humans it's our natural response to run away from any event that might hurt us both physically and emotionally.

But if we take a deeper look at it, isn't this emotional hibernation doing more damage than good?

Everyone has a different mechanism to deal with the pain and it's ok to shut down at times. But it's not ok to give up and it's definitely not ok to live alone.

Take a risk and keep trying. Tinder or no, it's your life and you have to make it Happn!

The Race of Life

Today I watched the rail tracks race and it felt oddly relaxing. Like I was in a race where no one was telling me to compete in, where I didn't have to catch up with everyone, where I wasn't scared to lose. I was on a journey I never wanted to end. Green hills with a couple of hatched-roof houses and a small village temple-- it seemed surreal and yet strangely familiar, like a village from the Malgudi Days.

The wind was gushing right through me and it felt that it didn't know who I was like I wasn't important and for once that felt so nice and light. It felt not to be the one in charge, not to be a part of the charade, not to be a part of a life that is running at lightening speed, such that you have no time even for yourself. It felt nice not to be a part of anything and just be...

For once being nothing and no one felt peaceful and serene...

We all are running a rat race, trying to be someone, trying to make a life for ourselves, trying to be successful, working hard to have a decent bank balance, a house, a car, a reputation in the society. But do we ever try not to be a part of this charade and just try to focus on being in a state of peace, in the state of Buddha? Even if we have all of these things, we want more and we work harder and longer to get that 'more'. While that feels the right thing to do after all Darwin's theory comes into play, but the question is where/when does this cycle end? When do we decide that we have enough and that it's time to enjoy the things that we have gathered?

More importantly, does it ever end?

The scenery is green outside and it's getting cloudy like it's about to rain. But is it just the sky or are our hearts too cloudy, like we are waiting for the dry spell to end but we are too scared to let it rain???

Why Indians have no right to react to Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel's 'poor India' statement

Snapchat is news again and this time for all the wrong reasons. Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel’s alleged statement expressing his disinterest in expanding the reach of the app in the ‘poor countries like India and Spain’ has caused a furore in India’s digital space that is hard to miss. From hashtags like #UninstallSnapchat and #boycottSnapchat to a vast majority of people uninstalling the popular photo-sharing app, the situation seems to be getting worse for the company. Even though Snapchat has pinned the blame on its ‘disgruntled employee’ Anthony Pompliano calling the statement quoting Spiegel ‘ridiculous’, things don’t seem to be moving in the right direction for Snapchat. Indians are angry and the evidence can be seen everywhere including Twitter, Facebook and even in the reviews section on the Google Play Store.

However, Indians have no right to react this way and reasons for it are many.

To begin with, ours is a country where the citizens are fighting to get the ‘Other Backward Class’ (OBC) status. From Jat agitation in Haryana to the Patidar protest in Gujarat and Jat stir in Rajasthan, past couple of years have witnessed record number of communities fighting to get the minority status. Burning vehicles, blocking water supplies and attacking the innocent countrymen is how these so called minorities have forced the state governments into caving into their demands. Are Patidars or the Jats really a minority in their respective states? No. Do they really deserve special treatment (with an exception of the financially weak families)? No.

Next, while the citizens are quoting the example of a few rich and affluent families like the Ambanis and the Birlas to ‘prove’ that India is not a poor country, it is worth mentioning that 30 percent of India’s total population is still below the poverty line. According to a 2016 World Bank report, India has the largest number of people living under the international standard of $1.90 (Rs 122 approx) a day, which is the highest in the world. How many times have you conveniently ignored the people who sleep on the sidewalks? How many times in a day do you encounter children and elderly people begging for food? How many times have you encountered a disheveled person in tattered rags on road who seems to have no clue of what’s going around? Still think India is rich?

Last but not the least, Indians are known for their temperament. If only it had a base in this case. For those of you who are familiar with the app know that Snapchat doesn’t support a ‘Lite’ mode (on the one that works swiftly even with slow network connections). The app consumes a decent amount of data and requires a steady network connection to work. A country, which is still struggling with its data connectivity issues and is transcending from 3G to 4G, a stable network connection is difficult to find if not rare. If the company feels that India is not a target market for it yet, it has a sound basis for it i.e. the fluctuating network connection, which is a must for any Internet-based app to work.

In case you forgot, Spiegel also mentioned Spain as a ‘poor nation’, but do you see Spaniards losing their cool? No.

It’s high time that Indians get their act together and give out a unified impression instead of maintain dual standards on basically everything!

To the guy who can't understand the girl who refuses to be happy

Everyone wants to be happy and shine with a bright smile. But sometimes it so happens that you just cannot. It's not that you don't want to be happy or you don't want to fight for it, it's just that you are so tired and worn down by the storms that you have endured for so long, that you just don't have any strength left to fight. But it doesn't mean that you don't want to be happy.

Life can be harsh at times. And for those who refuse to give in, those who refuse to give up on people and those who continue to give without any expectations, things can be a little draining at times.

No one wants to give up. But when living becomes more difficult than dying, when memories start inflicting physical pain, when situations refuse to change, when you lose all hope, when you have no strength to fight back, what do you do? You give up.

They say that sharing your problems can help in easing up the pain and perhaps in some cases help in solving the problem. But does it always help?

Not every situation or problem can be treated in the same way. Like a lock, every problem has a specific solution and can be unlocked by a specific key. But what if you lose the key or better yet, what if the maker of the lock forgot to make a key and you get locked in a closed room with no windows to let in a single ray of hope? Is there a way out? May be. Can you stay optimistic for ever? No.

If you are dealing with a girl (or a guy) who seems to have given up on happiness without any reason, your frustation is understandable. But it's not fair to simply designate the person as 'arrogant' or 'stubborn' as you do not know the underlying stories. You don't know every single incident that was so powerful that she gave up on life, that broke her to the level when she couldn't stand up and face herself in the mirror. You don't know the countless scars that years of fighting have left on her soul. You don't know the endless tears that she has shed. You don't know the emptiness that is eating her alive like a blackhole. 

Unless you know her story, you cannot understand her. Unless you don't understand her, you can't judge her.

If you really want to help her, make her feel that she can trust you. Prove that you aren't like every other person who has walked into her life without any intention of staying. Prove that you take pride in her scars. Prove yourself to be worthy of her trust. When you prove that she can trust you, she'll open up to you and share her story, every single word of it. And trust me she's worth it, because a person who has been hurt over a million times and yet has the strength to love, knows how to love selflessly and completely. And that person can never hurt another soul, ever.

Why do we need fairytales?

Its a strange thing, how all we wish for is a 'happily ever after', a 'perfect life', and how little are we willing to fight for it. What's equally strange is how easily we kneel before the negativity and the sad and sorrowful events that unfold in our lives and in our surroundings. It's true that every thing has an impact and our wishful thinking is not enough to save us from it, but the question is can we dodge the damage?

It's a paradox. We want to be happy yet we think about all the things that make us sad. We want to live freely yet we let every limiting thought cage us in. We want a love that would last a lifetime but we are scared of it. We want to stay yet we keep on running. We want to be in peace and yet we do all the things that add chaos to our lives. It's true that we cannot escape the madness around us, but the question is do we really need to be a part of it? Do we really need to give up? And more importantly is there anything we can do that would save our souls?

Fear. Fear is a funny word. It makes us do crazy things. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failure. Fear of getting our hearts broken. Fear of our hopes getting shattered. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of the unknown. And in case our lives have been full of melancholy streaks, fear of being happy. Despite wanting to live freely, we spend all our lives living in fear hoping for a miracle to change everything and in some cases for everything to just fade away. But is that a good way of living? Are we being fair to oursevles?

We all deserve better. We all deserve to be respected, to be cared for, to be loved, to be happy. But in the hullabaloo of life, we often lose a track of things, of ourselves, and more importantly of our hopes and dreams. Fairytales are a constant reminder of what we forget. They remind us of hope and of happy endings. They remind us that we must fight for our happiness, for our 'one true love', for our throne. They remind us that if we don't give up, there's nothing that we can't achieve. Sure there are dragons to be slayed and evil witches to be defeated, but if we keep on trying, our 'happily ever after' is just a step away.

So, next time someone gives you some feminist crap about the fairytales, remind them that it's the message that's more important!